The next morning is busy. We are running late. Blood test. Visit the bank. Look after a friend. No time to think. Rush back for lunch.
He says "Do you fancy a nap?" I say "Okay". Same bed. Same man. He snores. My heart feels warm. "Isn't he sweet?" I fall asleep holding his hand.
Within 16 hours I could have easily walked out for good or married him. Same man. What changed? Nothing, but my own state of mind.
That's actually all that can ever change. But what's real? Such contradicting feelings used to confuse me a lot and I seemed to take my negative feelings usually more serious than the positive ones. But since I realised that a state of inner peace, clarity and certainty is our neutral default setting I just know that anything that feels 'somehow more uncomfortable than neutral' simply results from my negative habitual thinking in the moment. It stems from the past or projects into the future while the only real thing can only ever be experienced now. Then feelings like love, gratitude and joy simply flow freely.