Long day. In bed at last. He snores. Enough is enough. "What the hell am I doing in his bed?" I got the hump. All I have ever been annoyed about is back on my mind. So I get out. It takes me ages to go to sleep in the guest bed room.
The next morning is busy. We are running late. Blood test. Visit the bank. Look after a friend. No time to think. Rush back for lunch.
He says "Do you fancy a nap?" I say "Okay". Same bed. Same man. He snores. My heart feels warm. "Isn't he sweet?" I fall asleep holding his hand.
Within 16 hours I could have easily walked out for good or married him. Same man. What changed? Nothing, but my own state of mind.

That's actually all that can ever change. But what's real? Such contradicting feelings used to confuse me a lot and I seemed to take my negative feelings usually more serious than the positive ones. But since I realised that a state of inner peace, clarity and certainty is our neutral default setting I just know that anything that feels 'somehow more uncomfortable than neutral' simply results from my negative habitual thinking in the moment. It stems from the past or projects into the future while the only real thing can only ever be experienced now. Then feelings like love, gratitude and joy simply flow freely.

The other morning I found myself in a bit of a state. It was like being in a horrible movie, though pretty soon I noticed that I know this film very well (because years ago I used to live in it quite a lot). Call it a bad mood, feeling low, moody, negative, pessimistic, procrastinating, not wanting to leave my bed, angry with the whole world and feeling sorry for myself at the same time. For a while I wallowed in the pain and started to blame my situation, my relationship, the finances and all sorts of things that are happening around me at the moment, including the weather, some trapped wind and generally "poor me, poor me" for my horrible feelings......... It really looked like I felt bad "because of XYZ". 

A little later at my desk I found myself smiling, feeling grateful. Wow, I thought, years ago I would have stayed in such a bad state for days, if not weeks at a time! I would have had to try hard to change my outside circumstances to make me feel better (now I did not need to do that any more, because my situation, my relationship, the finances etc. had absolutely nothing to do with my feeling state! Phew!)

I used to suffer a lot, and only because of not knowing that I don't have to believe my unpleasant thinking and that thinking simply comes alive as my reality via the power of Consciousness (one of the Three Principles) in any given moment. Letting go of my sh*tty thinking allowed fresh thinking to replace the movie theme of a dull face of an unpleasant "old times visitor" with a great, smiling one, feeling my innate well-being once more bubble up from within, where everything appeared in different light though nothing had changed :-) how lucky!

Sometimes we find ourselves in a situation we don't quite like and we freak out in panic, more or less, though there is really nothing to it once we calm down. I was in such a situation this morning. I had to get ready to go out. My hair still looked a mess, no make-up done when I noticed how I was running around in a frenzy, totally stressed, and I never even had my breakfast!

Then I suddenly thought: Hey ho! What can I do? I became aware that I was the only one who had put me under pressure knowing I had to be ready to leave at a certain time. Then it occurred to me, that it would take me the same amount of time to get ready whether I am stressed or not! That was the point of return though, when I realized that all it was, was, that my mind was playing pants! What a surprise once more, that I (innocently) created all the stress and uncomfortable feelings myself and - once realized - how it dissolved (at times directly into laughter :)

As Jack Pransky writes in his book "Somebody Should Have Told Us!", why has nobody told me that I think and that thoughts create feelings?? It's too simple to be noticed but we all know it from day one until we forget and then we have to realize it again on a much deeper level for it to make a difference.... And when you find yourself saying: "And? So what?", you are missing it, like I did for many years! The difference lies in a powerful understanding of how life works before we can have an idea, a concept or beliefs about it. All we need to do is wake up, again and again...

Do you remember that I was struggling with a frozen shoulder?? I have shared in the past how I see health issues these days and just to summarize it briefly here, I see anything that manifests in the physical body as an extension of our feelings and emotions which are created by the usage of the Three Principles Mind, Consciousness and Thought. Our personal mind creates the reality we get to live in moment to moment and our body and everything that happens with it are no exception. Therefore we will never be able to understand the manifestations using the same mind that has created them in the first place.. Knowing that, I have approached my apparent problem with my shoulder (outch!) in a totally different manner than I used to (before getting to know this inside-out understanding).
 
I resisted having to figure out why or what caused the problem but I was just aware that somehow my thinking was leading to it. Then I left it alone, went about my treatments and whenever I thought about it (which was often because it was very painful) I just relaxed into knowing that on some higher level everything would be resolved. I put my intention out there (I asked "him upstairs" LOL) to wanting to see something that I was not yet seeing clearly and went about my business. Occasionally - when in a very peaceful state of mind - I noticed how the pain and restrictions eased but then always came back when I started to think about it..... It was then a conscious choice to completely leave it to something bigger than myself rather than a "doing", I simply gave myself (and my issue) to life itself knowing that I am okay no matter what.

This morning it suddenly popped into my mind!! At first I couldn't really grasp it, I only noticed I felt so much lighter! It was like somebody had taken off a few tons of baggage I was carrying around with me all the time without me even noticing it! All my body started tingling and I could feel how "things" started circulating around which obviously had been blocked for a long time! And I thought I had already left so much stress and tension behind when I first came across this understanding and now this!!

I somehow had to get my head around what I had really realized and after a while I was able to articulate it.......... it was simply an old belief I must have held a hell of a lot of time and which I know is not true. Nonetheless it had caused this burden I have carried around for I guess well over 30 years......... I couldn't (and still can't) stop sighing, at long last I can breathe deeply!! A struggle I wasn't even aware of consciously but now, what a difference!! All down to ONE single thought!! What it was??

I have seen all my life, everything I did and every person I ever interacted with through the eyes of "I am not good enough" and tried to be better all the time. What a struggle!! I can't thank God enough for this revelation. I'm finally free to be me, just the way I am! God knows, how this is going to change my life (once more through this simple bit of understanding)... fact is the shoulder is 80% back to normal (even the Osteopath confirmed it as astounding this morning!), the rest will heal now in its time, I'm sure, with all this weight off!! ;-)