I just came across somebody quoting Cheri Huber (Author of "There is nothing wrong with you - Going Beyond Self-Hate"):
"There is a small child inside each of us who was taught to believe that bad things happen, or will happen, because s/he is bad. As adults, when we become aware of this child, we are saddened and feel the child's sadness. We are conditioned to try to STOP the sadness, to move away from the experience.
The child doesn't need for us to do that. S/He needs to know, deep down inside, that it is absolutely all right to be having that experience. The child needs complete acceptance for however s/he is in each moment. And we, as adults, do too. That's what we didn't get when we were little - acceptance for however we are in whatever moment.
The only response is compassion. Trying to STOP, FIX, or CHANGE is part of the self-hating process.
Just stay with the experience and REALLY GET IT
that this is s a d,
it's not wrong,
it's just hard,
it's hard to be a being.
How can we not feel compassion?"
Something rang true within me when I was reading it. So I got interested in what it was and went into reflection: First it sounds like we got something to do: Be compassionate. But no, from my experience I know being compassionate is already our natural state. We do it naturally when our mind is clear.
Then I asked myself: Can we accept something we find difficult to accept? Not really, but maybe we can just let ourselves be as we are. Then I realized this common story of the 'inner child' is just a metaphor for old thinking patterns! It describes our deepest conditioning from our childhood. And even if it looks ever so real, it is also made up by the power of Thought and made look real by the power of Consciousness. So there is really nothing we have 'to do' with that 'inner child' (or any emotions that come up about it). The shift comes automatically, when we see it for what it is. It doesn't even matter what exactly we experience as a result of this conditioning. Hence in the metaphor it looks like 'accepting whatever it is'.
Why there is nothing to do? Life itself does acceptance for us. It supplies fresh thinking when we let go of any meaning we happen to give to things. Any change has got nothing to do with us doing something (like 'being compassionate 'or the process of 'accepting'). Life itself IS a self correcting mechanism by nature. And its default is compassion.
"There is a small child inside each of us who was taught to believe that bad things happen, or will happen, because s/he is bad. As adults, when we become aware of this child, we are saddened and feel the child's sadness. We are conditioned to try to STOP the sadness, to move away from the experience.
The child doesn't need for us to do that. S/He needs to know, deep down inside, that it is absolutely all right to be having that experience. The child needs complete acceptance for however s/he is in each moment. And we, as adults, do too. That's what we didn't get when we were little - acceptance for however we are in whatever moment.
The only response is compassion. Trying to STOP, FIX, or CHANGE is part of the self-hating process.
Just stay with the experience and REALLY GET IT
that this is s a d,
it's not wrong,
it's just hard,
it's hard to be a being.
How can we not feel compassion?"
Something rang true within me when I was reading it. So I got interested in what it was and went into reflection: First it sounds like we got something to do: Be compassionate. But no, from my experience I know being compassionate is already our natural state. We do it naturally when our mind is clear.
Then I asked myself: Can we accept something we find difficult to accept? Not really, but maybe we can just let ourselves be as we are. Then I realized this common story of the 'inner child' is just a metaphor for old thinking patterns! It describes our deepest conditioning from our childhood. And even if it looks ever so real, it is also made up by the power of Thought and made look real by the power of Consciousness. So there is really nothing we have 'to do' with that 'inner child' (or any emotions that come up about it). The shift comes automatically, when we see it for what it is. It doesn't even matter what exactly we experience as a result of this conditioning. Hence in the metaphor it looks like 'accepting whatever it is'.
Why there is nothing to do? Life itself does acceptance for us. It supplies fresh thinking when we let go of any meaning we happen to give to things. Any change has got nothing to do with us doing something (like 'being compassionate 'or the process of 'accepting'). Life itself IS a self correcting mechanism by nature. And its default is compassion.
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