The other morning I found myself in a bit of a state. It was like being in a horrible movie, though pretty soon I noticed that I know this film very well (because years ago I used to live in it quite a lot). Call it a bad mood, feeling low, moody, negative, pessimistic, procrastinating, not wanting to leave my bed, angry with the whole world and feeling sorry for myself at the same time. For a while I wallowed in the pain and started to blame my situation, my relationship, the finances and all sorts of things that are happening around me at the moment, including the weather, some trapped wind and generally "poor me, poor me" for my horrible feelings......... It really looked like I felt bad "because of XYZ".
I then realized my mind could come up with even more reasons why I was feeling bad. So how could that be? It was incredible, how all sorts of things looked really dull and how easy it was to blame anything for my state. While I was "watching" the inner chatter of my mind coming up with an endless creation of increasingly ridiculous thoughts, I became more and more aware of an underlying feeling of being able to make a choice. It had a calm, certain and neutral quality to it and soon the bad movie didn't have the grip on me as much as it did before. Now it was more like knowing I am in the cinema watching a bad film instead of being part of a (real) bad film. Finally I couldn't ignore any longer that I was simply able to not believe this low mood thinking and by the time I truly realized what was going on, I had already jumped out of bed and gone straight to the bathroom to get ready.
A little later at my desk I found myself smiling, feeling grateful. Wow, I thought, years ago I would have stayed in such a bad state for days, if not weeks at a time! I would have had to try hard to change my outside circumstances to make me feel better (now I did not need to do that any more, because my situation, my relationship, the finances etc. had absolutely nothing to do with my feeling state! Phew!)
I used to suffer a lot, and only because of not knowing that I don't have to believe my unpleasant thinking and that thinking simply comes alive as my reality via the power of Consciousness (one of the Three Principles) in any given moment. Letting go of my sh*tty thinking allowed fresh thinking to replace the movie theme of a dull face of an unpleasant "old times visitor" with a great, smiling one, feeling my innate well-being once more bubble up from within, where everything appeared in different light though nothing had changed :-) how lucky!
I used to suffer a lot, and only because of not knowing that I don't have to believe my unpleasant thinking and that thinking simply comes alive as my reality via the power of Consciousness (one of the Three Principles) in any given moment. Letting go of my sh*tty thinking allowed fresh thinking to replace the movie theme of a dull face of an unpleasant "old times visitor" with a great, smiling one, feeling my innate well-being once more bubble up from within, where everything appeared in different light though nothing had changed :-) how lucky!
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